The marriage relationship is now set out to reflect the relationship between Christ and his church. God’s Designed Order For The Home Ephesians 5:22-24  1. Wives The wife is given the God-appointed task of helping and submitting (see previous note) to her husband (vv. 22–24). The meaning of “submit” here does not refer strictly to obedience, which is never used in Scripture concerning a wife’s relationship with her husband.  Her God-given duty to her husband includes:  love (Tit 2:4) respect (v. 33; 1Pe 3:1–2) assistance (Ge 2:18) purity (Tit 2:5; 1Pe 3:2) submissiveness (v. 22; 1Pe 3:5) development of a gentle and quiet spirit (1Pe 3:4)  being a good mother (Tit 2:4)  caretaker of the home (1Ti 2:15; 5:14; Tit 2:5) Submitting to a husband “as to the Lord” does not put the husband in the place of the Lord but shows that the wife ought to submit to her husband as an act of submission to the Lord. In this way, God sees the wife’s actions toward her husband as an actual part of her obedience to Jesus Ephesians 5:25-30  2. Husbands God has established the family as society’s primary and foundational unit. Every family must have a leader. For this reason, God has assigned the husband the responsibility of being the head of the wife and family. Submission in the marriage relationship is not the attitude required only of wives (see. v. 21, note). In fact, as the head of the home, the husband is to take the lead in submitting to and serving the best interests of his wife and children. He must help his wife fulfill her God-given roles at home, in the church, and in all aspects of life. The fact that the husband is called to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” is an extreme challenge. The husband’s God-given responsibility as “head of the wife” includes:  provision for the family’s spiritual and domestic needs (vv. 23–24; Ge 3:16–19; 1Ti 5:8) love protection and interest in her welfare in the same way that Christ loves the church (vv. 25–33); honor, understanding, appreciation, and thoughtfulness (Col 3:19; 1Pe 3:7) absolute faithfulness to the marriage relationship (v. 31; Mt 5:27–28). Ephesians 5:31-33  3. Tend Your Garden let each one of you love his wife as himself. Love, pure and simple but transcendent, the truly Christian love (agapē) that embraces what is pure in every other love, is the husband’s duty.  Let the wife see that she respects her husband. Respect is the wife’s duty. The verb here is more literally ‘fear,’ the same as the noun in verse 21, but that word conjures up the thought of fearfulness in our minds, which is far removed from the true meaning here. Proverbs 21:19 NLT 19 It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. Proverbs 25:24 NLT 24 It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. 1 Timothy 5:8 NLT 8 But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers. 1 Peter 3:7 NLT 7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. God has not given you to your significant other to change them. He has given you to them to accentuate how he has created him. One of the biggest dangers in marriage is comparisons and expectations. What are our transformational moments? Wives, how is your role going? Husbands, how are you in your role? Is it time to do a big overhaul in how you do things at home?